When Chinese tie the knot within their own communities or with non-chinese, their tradition-steeped wedding celebrations are a complicated programme of intermingled ancient rituals and cultural blending meant to bring good luck to the couple for a strong marriage that produces many children and strengthens familial bonds for future generations, reveals Natnalin Thananan
For centuries Chinese people immigrated to Thailand in quest of a better life. Cultural pride of both Thais and these interlopers from the Middle Kingdom, along with a strong current of Thai nationalism made the newcomers’ assimilation into mainstream society a bumpy ride, but over time the Chinese and Thai cultures have gotten quite comfortable with each other. Fast-forward hundreds of years to present day Thailand and Chinese-Thais are part and parcel of Thai culture. Although their respective customs and traditions are still as strong as ever, Thais and Chinese have comingled their genes inextricably and when it comes to important occasions such as weddings, the rituals are a mix of both. We talk to four well-known couples that have comingled Chinese and Thai families, getting their take on today’s cross-cultural unions and to enjoy their memories of the wedding rituals that families from these two vibrant cultures have been performing for thousands of years.
ML Trinuch and Panot Sirivadhanabhakdi
ML Trinuch Chakrabandhu, a descendent of the royal family, and Panot Sirivadhanabhakdi, deputy CEO of TCC Land, have been married for two years and have a nine-month-old son, Rochana. ML Trinuch was studying for her master’s degree in England and staying with her aunt who was a close family friend of Panot’s family when she met her future husband at his university graduation ceremony. They then dated for three years before announcing to close family members at a dinner at Plaza Athenee Bangkok their intention to wed.
As tradition dictates in a Thai-Chinese family, Panot’s father, Charoen, using the couple’s birthdates and times of birth, looked up in ancient astrological texts the auspicious times and dates for their wedding events. “Because Chinese and Thai auspicious times often conflict, my father tends to lean towards the Thai dates more,” says Panot. They had a traditional Thai engagement ceremony in June also at the same hotel, with the groom’s friends and close relatives participating in the procession of family members that must clear the way for the groom to ask the bride and her family for her hand. The bride’s guests of honour were former Thai premier Anand Panyarachun and his wife MR Sodsri who is also ML Trinuch’s aunt. The groom’s guests of honour were Keokhwan and Thanpuying Phensri Vajarodaya. The couple wore traditional Thai costumes in gold material to exchange rings. After this ceremony the 400-plus guests enjoyed a meal together and were given sugar in silk-covered bottles as a thank-you present. For their private wedding the couple had a quiet ceremony. “His Majesty the King’s sister, Princess Galyani Vadhana, had just passed away, so it was a very private affair for us, with just our close friends and family. We waited until after the princess’s funeral for the palace to issue an official wedding date for us,” says Panot.
When the palace selected November 24, 2009, as the big day the couple started preparations. First, they requested a trusted fortune-teller to pick the auspicious time for picking up the bride from her home, which was 6 am in the morning. Panot and his family had to again walk in procession to pick up his bride, bearing gifts of flowers and incense sticks to pay respects to ML Trinuch’s parents. When ML Trinuch arrived at her husband-to-be’s home in Suriwongse Road, she prayed to both the Thai and Chinese spirits of the home, then the couple ate seven types of food together for good luck, such as bua loy and kanom ee and boiled egg. Following Chinese tradition, the elders from Panot’s side of the family then made the bed for the couple, placing candies, red beans, caramelised nuts, quail eggs and other Chinese sweets along with fruits on it, each thought to bring good luck for creating good conditions and accomplishments in the marriage. Young cousins, nieces and nephews were then allowed to jump on the bed to ensure the couple’s fertility, as having lots of children is a pillar of Chinese culture. After the royal ceremony presided over by His Majesty the King at Klai Kangwon palace in Hua Hin, the newlyweds headed back to Bangkok for the ceremony that welcomes the couple into their new home. Close relatives wished the couple good luck and they remained in the home until five in the morning, much less time than in ultra-traditional ceremonies in which newlyweds cannot leave their home for up to three days.
The following day the couple performed the Chinese tea-pouring ceremony for which they dressed in traditional Chinese costumes and while kneeling served tea to family elders. In return the elders gave the couple their blessings and gifts of money and gold. At this ceremony, money and jewellery that were given to the bride’s family from the groom’s family were also displayed for guests to see. As a thank-you present the couple gave their elders a souvenir of silk cloth made especially for the ceremony. “There were so many family members we had to serve tea to we had to wear kneepads,” recalls ML Trinuch. The final event of their wedding was a reception at Plaza Athenee Bangkok on December 3. When asked how she feels about marrying into a Chinese family, ML Trinuch says, “I didn’t have to adapt much as we lead independent lives. Of course we attend family gatherings and holidays such as Chinese New Year or when we visit his grandparents, but for the most part I didn’t have to change my lifestyle.”
Velvadi Sritrairatana and Viboon Techakanlayatham
Velvadi Sritrairatana, owner of Baan Putahracsa resort in Hua Hin, and daughter of one of Thailand’s most famous performing artists, Patravadi Mejudhon, met Viboon Techakanlayatham, owner of luxury furniture store Less Is More, in 1998 through mutual friends. The pair dated for about a year before Viboon, who comes from a Thai-Chinese family, popped the question. “He asked me to marry him and I said, OK let’s go talk to my mum,” Velvadi remembers. Her mother approved and wedding preparations began for the happy couple. “We wanted a Chinese-themed wedding to honour my heritage and give respect to my parents and family,” says Viboon. “Our wedding was a mixture of Chinese and Thai traditions plus some we adapted to make them our own.” One of the preparations was getting their outfits for the three ceremonies. He flew to Hong Kong to buy his traditional Chinese clothes at Shanghai Tang, while Velvadi got her traditional wedding dresses made at well-known dressmaker Pichita. Viboon’s father looked up the auspicious day for their wedding, settling on December 19, 1999, which is considered doubly lucky as the number nine in both Thai and Chinese cultures is thought to bring prosperity and advancement in life. It’s also close to Velvadi’s birthday on December 2. “My wife is very happy in December as she gets three presents for her birthday, wedding anniversary and Christmas,” says Viboon with a laugh.
On their big day, Velvadi had to start getting her hair and make-up done at four in the morning to be ready for the early-morning auspicious engagement moment. At Velvadi’s house the groom, surrounded by his friends, paraded up to her front door to ask for her hand in marriage,handing out gifts and money to her family members who served as barriers blocking his way. The groom, according to Chinese custom, has to bring gifts of fruits and sweets and when Viboon asked Velvadi’s mother if she wanted anything in particular, Patravadi half-jokingly replied that she wanted cookies. The groom acquiesced to his mother-in-law’s request and although not traditionally Chinese, presented boxes of pastries.
Their Thai engagement was in the morning according to the auspicious time determined by their fortune-teller. Afterwards the couple went to Viboon’s house for the tea-pouring ceremony where his family elders were waiting to give the couple their blessings and gifts such as gold, jewellery and money while the couple offered them tea. Then came a Chinese-table feast with relatives at Viboon’s house with around 60 guests. In the late afternoon the couple went to Velvadi’s grandmother’s home for the Thai tradition of the pouring of holy water, where the bride and groom sat together with a flower garland connecting their heads while elders of both families poured water on the couple’s hands, clasped in a wai. Around six in the evening the wedding reception started, kicking off a night filled with events and rituals old and new. Viboon’s mother came up with a new tradition that epitomised the Chinese and performing-arts heritage of their families. Instead of cutting the cake the bride and groom had to give an impromptu performance in which Viboon put on a Chinese dragon costume and Velvadi held the tail. The groom danced around the stage while the bride kept up with him. “His mother created this skit to symbolise the Chinese tradition of a wife following her husband’s lead,” says Velvadi. One of the honoured guests that spoke at their wedding was Pol Gen Vasit Dejkunchorn who gave the newlyweds advice about how to make their life together long and fruitful. Velvadi says of her marriage, “My husband’s family is Chinese, but they are very modern and forward-thinking people. His parents understand the lifestyle of today’s couples and have accepted me very well. The children and I participate in all of the family’s Chinese traditions.”
Supakorn and Somkamol Vejjajiva
Supakorn Vejjajiva, president and COO of The Post Publishing, has been married to Somkamol from the big Chinese-Thai Chirathivat family for more than 10 years with two adorable children. She is a friend of the groom’s sister so the couple knew each other before they started dating. “It doesn’t matter how long you date. I think you just know when it’s time to get married,” says Supakorn, adding that he and Somkamol were together for three years before tying the knot.
Supakorn explains that their wedding was a mix of traditions and cultures. “Somkamol’s father is Chinese-Thai, her mother is British and I’m Thai, but with lots of other cultures mixed into my heritage as well,” he explains. Their engagement party was held in January at Somkamol’s house where her relatives set up barriers so that the groom had to pay his way to the bride. The date the palace chose for their wedding was April 27, 1990, leaving two more auspicious dates to look up: the engagement ceremony on January 6 and their wedding reception on May 1.
On the morning of April 27 the couple had a feast for monks at Supakorn’s house, which according to Buddhist tradition is an important merit-making blessing for weddings. After lunch the couple went to Chitralada palace where HRH Princess Maha Chakri Sirindhorn blessed their marriage. Family from both sides then had dinner to celebrate. Afterwards, elders from the groom’s and bride’s families made a bed for the newlyweds, placing items around the room that represented patience, happiness, love and other virtues for a happy marriage. However, the couple dispensed with have the little ones jump on the bed for fertility. “There is a tradition from my wife’s side of the family that after entering your home together as a couple you aren’t allowed to leave for a few days,” Supakorn says. “I think it evolved from an old tradition where a wife would move into the husband’s parent’s home and they were not allowed to leave the bedroom for three days. But because we had our own condominium we relaxed the rules a little and only stayed in half a day.” He also notes that there are many other Chinese traditions, like forbidding a new bride to attend funerals or wear certain colours that will bring bad luck.
On May 1 the couple had a rab wai ceremony at Sofitel Centara Grand Bangkok during which they presented a wai to all married relatives from the bride’s side of the family who in turn gave them their blessings as well as presents, such as money or jewellery. “This tradition is unique to the Chirathivat family as I’ve never seen it done at any other wedding before,” Supakorn reveals. “It’s a variation of the Chinese tea-pouring ceremony.” As a thank-you souvenir the couple gave relatives custom-made silk pillows. A reception for their friends and family followed that evening at the hotel leading to a more casual party for their close friends, which went on late into the night. “I’ve been married for 10 years now and this tradition gets longer every year because more and more people are getting married and there are more elders to wai so it can take hours. Some couples even have an MC to ask people from each family to come up by order of generation and family line. It can start at nine in the morning and last until noon,” says Supakorn.
ML Santidis and Louise Diskul
ML Santidis Diskul, managing director of mining company Sintaranee and Louise Taechaubol, currently director of Country Group development, met while they were students in Chulalongkorn University’s Sasin Graduate Institute of Business Administration’s MBA programme. They had been dating for about three years when ML Santidis’s family took a vacation to Sydney, Australia, where Louise’s mum lived. While there his father asked the young couple if they wanted to get married, giving them half an hour to decide. If yes, he would go to Louise’s Chinese- Thai mother who lives in Sydney to ask for her daughter’s hand in marriage for his son. “I knew that she was the one because I’m happy when I’m with her. She is a good person and I knew she would be a good mother to our future children,” says ML Santidis of his wife, who is now pregnant with their second son.
Her mother was quite shocked since none of Louise’s older siblings were married at that time, but in the end she and Louise’s father agreed to the union. “We caught her so off guard that she didn’t reply until three days later, asking where and when the wedding should be,” Louise laughs as she recalls that moment. The father of Louise, who comes from a very Chinese family, looked up auspicious dates for the engagement and wedding ceremonies. “The engagement and wedding, however, were very Thai, as I think my family was still in shock about how fast everything went,” Louise says. “I’m sure that if my family had been more prepared we would’ve had more Chinese rituals, such as the tea-pouring ceremony.
Their wedding was on Christmas Day, 2006, prestigiously presided over by His Majesty the King in Hua Hin. Their reception was held the next day at Mandarin Oriental, Bangkok with former prime minister Anand Panyarachun as their guest of honour. After the wedding reception the happy couple moved into their new home and elders from the groom’s side made the bed, putting on it jasmine flowers, roses, a cat doll, coins and a rock as suggested by their Chinese spiritual adviser. The couple has been building their family home since they got married four years ago. It’s taking so long because Chinese tradition requires them to consult a feng shui expert who has suggested numerous modifications to their architectural plans. “He said there were problems so we had to change them. It still isn’t done,” laughs ML Santidis. Adding to the delay, Louise’s relatives have also advised the couple to stop construction while she is pregnant, believing that evil spirits will take advantage of the disharmonious feng shui conditions and harm the baby. When Louise was pregnant with their first son her relatives brought her copious amounts of Chinese herbal medicine for her to take so the baby’s skin would be white and for its good health. “So many relatives gave me these herbal concoctions that my house smelled of them for awhile,” Louise says with a smile.
ML Santidis had to adapt quickly to his wife’s many family traditions. During Chinese New Year they feast with her family and give oranges, a symbol of good luck, to her father. “During this time we also have to wear new red clothes and we’re not allowed to clean the house,” he says, with Louise adding, “If you sweep the house you also sweep out all the good luck.” Louise’s grandfather passed away several months ago so now they will visit his burial stone once a year during the Cheng Meng holiday when Chinese- Thais pay respects to their deceased relatives. “Her family is very Chinese,” ML Santidis comments good-naturedly. “Her grandfather spoke Thai, but it was quite difficult to understand him so I just nodded and smiled. After a while I got used to his accent and understood him better.”
